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Wendy Urban-Mead's avatar

It was March 11, 1998. I was in labor; the water had broken and I was 5 centimeters dilated and things were moving along nicely. But then the labor stopped. Nothing changed for several hours. The doctor came in and said if things didn't start moving soon they would have to use some interventions to get the baby out. I was beside myself with dismay and anger, not wanting that. The doctor left. The nurse said, with remarkable gentleness, "is something blocking you?" I said, "well, my mother died." She said, "when did your mother die?" I said, "last week." (In fact, by the calendar, it had been 17 days but in my universe that was the same as "last week.") She said, "oh you poor dear." The inquiry: "is something blocking you?" and "oh you poor dear" were words of perceptivity, and power. This unleashed the weeping I had not yet done, not a single tear up to that minute. The baby came out, whole and beautiful, on a hurricane of sobs not long after. I hold in sacred memory that nurse, whose name I do not remember, and the power that her words-- borne by love-- had to free me to give voice to the grief that had been locked inside my body.

Mona Voelkel's avatar

I have been changed by the words of others, for better and worse, but one positive one that comes to mind is when, after years of dealing with the secret of my mother’s alcoholism and being finely attuned to my father’s suffering about this, I called, after discussion with my father, the Alcoholics Anonymous hotline, looking for help. “How old are you?” asked the operator. “Twelve,” I replied. After a long pause, she said these works before ending the conversation that I didn’t believe then but started me thinking, “This is not your problem.”

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