I love this quote by Rumi. I have held it close for year as inspiration and as an aspiration. Just recently (at 61), I wrote this poem that I hope is ok to share here.
The Field—A Little Bit More Than a Sijo
'Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing, there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
— Jelaluddin Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks
Before I meet you there, may I steal a moment to breathe out,
to offer myself some tender, loving kindness and mercy,
Sep 10, 2023·edited Sep 10, 2023Liked by Pádraig Ó Tuama
There has been a strong familial pattern of blame within my Christian family lineage. Eve ate the apple. She was the problem... and this got translated within our story, that women are the problem. This in turn translated to....somehow if you/they were different, changed, hadn't done..., were better.... and the list goes on; then life would be ok. It took a while for me to shift this perspective within my own reaction to others and, particularly, in my intimate partnership however, what supported this journey towards befriending blame (and its dissolving) was mindfulness, somatic and nonviolent communication practices and John O'Donohue's Blessing for Presence which became and still is my daily prayer. Particularly, the first two lines, call me home: 'May you awaken to the mystery of being here and enter the quiet immensity of your own presence. May you have joy and peace in the temple of your senses.' This brings me home time and time again, so that I can hear the blame, feel my pain yet stay connected to self and other. Othering disappears. Blaming. In the company of presence, I can see what is calling. A need to be held, for understanding, compassion, care and connection. I have so wanted to reply to your many beautiful posts before this. Each one is worthy of reflection. Thank you for your offering and reflections. Thank you to all those who comment as I find them truly interesting as well.
Wendy, your beautiful post spoke so deeply to me. " Othering disappears. Blaming. In the company of presence, I can see what is calling. A need to be held, for understanding, compassion, care and connection." I love that..."I can hear what is calling." I will remember that the next time I start to"hear the blame." Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful words and your daily John O'Donohue prayer.
YYYEEESSSSS!!!! "Enter the quiet immensity of your own presence." From that perspective, blame isn't even in your viewfinder. It is a beautiful place to be, hold onto yourself with love and, yes, with understanding, compassion, care and connection. Well said, Wendy.
Thank you for this reminder of John O'Donohue's blessing, which I know, but had forgotten. Such a lovely way to enter the day with this beautiful blessing, so grounding and full of tenderness, which we all so need these days, and I suppose have always needed. Thank you.
“May you awaken to the mystery of being here and enter the quiet immensity of your own presence. May you have joy and peace in the temple of your senses.” - This is profound!
Just read this article yesterday about a new study that upends the anthropological myth that men were hunters and women were gatherers. It says, "I think that next to the myth that God made a woman from man's rib to be his helper, the myth that man is the hunter and woman is the gatherer is probably the second most enduring myth that naturalizes the inferiority of women.” What they found in many communities were that the grandmothers were the best hunters. I love that.
I have gotten great satisfaction from the publishing of that article too. I feel a bit pessimistic that even this information will make any difference to those with staunchly held patriarchal beliefs. In my experience, bias is too strong and curiosity outside of one’s own beliefs is too small.
Yes, and along with the myth from the biblical text that men were the powerful ones with their raging of wars is the story that the women were the ones arranging the marriages and familial alliances, enlarging territories and making political partners by way of interweaving families and friendships. Quietly, in conversation and matchmaking, they did their important work. Usually on the noisy stories that arrive in the text.
My parents raised my with the belief of “you always have your family member’s back, no matter what.” This notion sounds beautiful. However, if practiced without boundaries, it can become a recipe for disaster.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that this myth has caused much pain, dysfunction, and heartache since my family doesn’t have good boundaries with anyone (including themselves).
Challenging this myth has caused me to have firm boundaries and distant relationships with my family. However, it’s allowed my wife and me to create healthier systems and practices to care for our children, which has in turn brought in chosen family into our lives that has been life-giving and beautiful ❤️
Thanks Ben -- what a thing to have to re-shape and make and break and make new... I'm glad for the life-giving that's come. And all praise the courage to make it new.
Ben ... Yes to challenging this myth which I believe underpins so much inner self-harm. And Yes to chosen family & Yes to 'creating healthier systems' by setting boundaries to break the often-multigenerational chain of 'pain, dysfunction, & heartache.' Having a partner/spouse onboard to create this new path together for you & your children is such a gift. I'm 66 & have been on this path for 20 years, wishing I'd started sooner, yet so grateful to be on it! I found that chosen family takes time to discover & build. My grown children & I do sometimes miss the connections & love we could have shared with blood-family that sadly chose a different path. Even though I was a bit late understanding what to let go of, my kids & I are close & better for it nonetheless. And yours will be immensely richer for it!
Andrea, thank you for your beautiful and encouraging words. I appreciate the encouragement that others are on the same journey toward health and healing! 🙏❤️
I've been working on accepting that I am enough and that I'm not too much at the same time. The desire to make myself smaller in public spaces and the need to prove that I have what it takes comes from myths and pressures around being an intellectual woman in a culture that currently disrespects both women and facts. Even writing this comment feels too big, too loud. Thank you for the space to explore and express myself.
I feel this Cathy. The impulse to make one’s self small while at the same time trying to prove your worth. What an impossibility! Your voice spoke to me this morning. Not too big, not too loud. Thank you for your voice. ❤️
You are NEVER too much or not enough. As long as you are being yourself, you are the you that is called for!! We need more women to be themselves. Rise, Sister, Rise!!!!
I have been working my way through the audio version of “Braiding Sweetgrass” by Robin Wall Kimmerer. In the origin story she tells, Sky Woman is the ancient ancestor who plays a role in the creation of the earth and all living things. She is given the earth to live in harmony. This is contrasted with the story of Eve, in the Judeo-Christian tradition, who is cast out of paradise to toil and labor in exile.
It kind of blew my mind what a different tale that story tells us about who we are and our relationship with the earth. In the one, we are intimately connected with earth, air, sky, fauna, and flora. In the other we are aggressors, sinful, alone in the wilderness. What a difference to feel beloved and cherished in the tale that is told. It speaks so much to the orientation to life. Will we take care of each other knowing each is dependent on the other? Will we pursue our own agenda without regard to commonality of all life?
And, PS, Elaine, Joy Harjo, another Soul sister of mine also writes about "The Woman Who Fell From the Sky." I had to check because I was certain I remembered it. She has a whole chapter of poems under "The Woman Who Fell From the Sky," including the chapter title in the book "How We Became Human." It's a great book. I also love "Fire" and "Eagle Poem"
Women ARE connected deeply to the Earth, in particular. It is SUCH a beautiful thing, too, to be held by Mother Gaia and all her beauty. And it teaches us such great lessons about how to be more human and more feminine!! Thanks for sharing. XO
The myths and assorted stories of being Jewish. “ Remember the Holocaust! Never again!” Well, what if the essential lesson is trimmed down to this: people can be so cruel to each other. We humans have this capacity to wreak havoc. Could this be the lesson gleaned from the Holocaust. Or from the pogroms in Russia, or the current travesty in Palestine. We humans, Jews included, have this capacity to inflict such pain upon each other, Or! There’s the mighty challenge, not waiting for “divine” intervention, But! Take life’s responsibility into each and every one of our heart/mind and truly behave toward each other as though we actually agreed with the wisdom teachings of this world. All our excuses to do otherwise, thus continuing our cruelty, are all dark mythical and selfish interpretations. We are So skilled at making excuses. So skillful. 🏮
what happens to empathy? Do we need reminders? Does trauma connect us to empathy? Teach? What happens with too much trauma? Certainly we can learn about giving pain over to projection. The ‘Other’ holds what is too painful. A new myth: That we learn to hold our own pain. That it is valuable to do so. That we are all curious to learn ( not just Eve). That we are able to do this...
A very strong myth around which I've lived is that of the United States being a "Christian" nation & that this country has always been on the side of "right." However my studies of history, international relations, theology & religion - as well as time lived overseas & a life of interacting across various languages and cultures - continue to disabuse me of that perspective. I know that I have no right to be "proud" of the circumstances which caused me to be born of parents in the United States, & if anything my privilege puts me in the position of seeking to share what blessings I may have materially & learning from other cultures & experiences which have accumulated wisdom I wish to know as a fellow citizen of this beautiful globe we inhabit.
I am wondering about blaming. What if the old myth was present for care and safety at its time. Now we need another myth- more global and beyond blaming. This is hard to do- a new ‘muscle’ to go beyond blaming. Who are we beyond blaming?
Oh my. That’s a really good (yet horrifying) example of a myth that has taken the innocence of this country as a whole. Hopefully, one day our children will learn that this is a country of justice and benevolence with a very complicated past. Despite the political situation, we do seem to be on that path, at last. ❤️
In a time when addiction to blame has reached pandemic proportions, loved today’s reflections and prompt, Pádraig. Until my mid-40s, I wrapped myself in the Myth of They Did This To Me. Unravelling that has been at once a tremendous gift and completely ungrounding. The challenge has been to not flip into its opposite—taking off one cloak only to put on another: The Myth of It's All My Fault. Some days go better than others.
Oh I’ve got one: The myth of the quiet, smiling white southern woman who is here to make sure everyone around her is comfortable physically, emotionally, and spiritually because everything is fine y'all. It's okay. Now there's no need to get angry or express any emotions whatsoever because Everything Is Fine.
Not.
I'm here to expose that myth and its roots and roles in supporting systems and frameworks of white supremacy. I’m here to make people a tad or a lot uncomfortable.
Is a fairy tale a myth? If so, the myth that a woman needs to be saved by a man has been my life's work - I felt abandoned by my father and for years I was waiting for him to rescue me from my abuser. Then I married a man and wanted him to rescue me and love me. Then his alcoholism forced me to look into myself and save myself and my children from the disease of alcoholism.
The only one who can save me is me and that I have done. I determine my destiny. I am the one who can give myself the love I always sought "out there." And most of all, I, now, can give love because I have found it within.
Thanks Theresa - those are hard won lessons - time has made demands on you, and you have found the love and courage and generosity that you share here. Thank you for sharing it.
Yes!!!! We can and should save ourselves, Theresa. We don't have to wait for ANYONE else to do it for us. I am so glad you realize how critical loving yourself is!! Thank you. XO
Myth disruptor: Death/dying: I'm an Iyengar yoga practitioner. If there are any of you out there you might relate. Iyengar teachers aren't shy about naming or talking about what might be perceived as taboo subjects. They use correct anatomical language - they ask you to lift your perineum - your genitals - to see with your nipples. They also talk about death and dying (more lately because we've lost 2 favorite teachers in the last 6 months and one is currently fighting cancer so she isn't shy). Yesterday, my teacher had us in a pose that encourages our shoulders to release towards the ground. She said, "don't worry if they don't touch the ground today.... when you die, they will release all they feel they need to hold." She went on to say that if you don't die everyday, you need to start practicing that. Wut? Hmmm....
I grew up in a traditional, fervent Catholic family. Each Mothers Day my mother would have all of us (I am the eldest of 8) make little white bouquets and we would go to the Church and put our bouquets near the statue of Mary. I didn't question this - rather, I just stayed with the mystery and now as I am in my 70s and part of an exiled Catholic Community, while I have discarded many devotional practices. I still treasure that practice that causes me to continue to wonder.
Sep 10, 2023·edited Sep 10, 2023Liked by Pádraig Ó Tuama
I am the Eve who hungered to eat the apple, but did not. At least not for the first nothing years of my life when I forgot what it meant to be a child and forgot what it meant to have a father.
When I did bite, I, at first, blamed myself, but you cannot blame someone for wanting to eat of the truth. The crisp clean crunch of yes and no and I had to tell you --
I have been kicked out of Eden so many times I can show you the way to heaven. It is paved with broken glass and hot coals. It is lined with broken hearts, but it is the only way. Let the apples on the ground rot. They are no longer knowledge. They are what happens when you do not see for yourself what it means to grow.
I love the image of a shard-lined path to paradise, perhaps the toll for that "crisp clean crunch of yes", and the centering of knowledge in both both of these. Thank you, Corie.
Well, I don’t think I’ve written this in a public space before but my myth is that growing up, I was not worthy of being wanted or liked. It’s taken a lifetime to change that myth for myself, and to even learn that it was a myth. Art and poetry and books still help me with this.
I just had the urge to raise my hand in solidarity. This myth haunted me for my first four decades, and only in the last few years have I been able to chip away here and there at the myth wall... and then barrel into it with all the weight and wasted energy. How many have felt this pain in their lives? I’m so glad we can both see clearly now, Wendy.
Oh, that's lovely Mandy, thank you for your solidarity. And for your chipping away at it for yourself. Seeing it is half the work, really. Good luck in your journey.
I also read Braiding Sweetgrass and came away from that creation story with such a beautiful new perspective of how we can relate to the earth and each other. Born & raised a Catholic, I can’t “unsee” the what the core of that religion is for me. I’ve loved my one and only church community where I’ve gone since 1991 but now I go for walks with my 2 daughters on Sunday mornings and enjoy their company and being outside in the true church… for me anyway.
Sep 10, 2023·edited Sep 10, 2023Liked by Pádraig Ó Tuama
In the town where my dad lives, there is a strict rule related to new construction on existing property. The rules states that if you want to tear down an old house to build a new one, you must stay within the boundaries of the old structure's footprint, and you must incorporate one wall from the original property into your new building. It's an interesting problem for an architect to solve. For a writer, it's a beautiful stage. I'll simply use this as some narrative hospitality for today's post.
Both parents were raised with the Myth of Limited Wealth as a guide. My mother inherited this myth from her mother who grew up during America's Great Depression and was raised by a family of Scottish immigrant pig farmers. My father inherited the story from his travelling salesman father who was raised by a mother who immigrated alone from Germany to the States when she was 14. From all of them I was taught to "be happy for what you have" and to "clean your plate because there are people starving in India." Also, "work hard, save as much as you can," and be a "spendthrift." I've been slowly dismantling my relationship to limited-wealth for years.
In my 20's and 30's I ignored requests from both parents to "get a steady job," instead opting to work for a few small family-run businesses, and later freelancing in the movie/tv/commercial world. I learned to quickly construct boundaries around weekly income reports to my parents with a firm, "I'm doing fine, thank you." Later, after working a "normal job" during very shaky economic times, I bought and sold a house, giving all of it up for 8 years in a near-monastic setting where I worked as a "volunteer". This was the first major deconstruction of my relationship to wealth, and my family was unusually accepting of my choice.
I'm currently deep in the rubble of inheriting my family story of limited wealth. Deconstruction is a daily challenge, but I've made great headway. Now, when my dad asks me how I can afford to pay for a weeklong writer's retreat, I clearly see him working to fortify his own story, inherited from his travelling salesman father and German immigrant grandmother. I can finally stand firm in the knowledge that I don't need to live in my family's old story, while recognizing that there is a "standing wall" of resourceful, socially-minded materials worth incorporating into the new build. I don't yet know what my new wealth-home will look like, but I do know that it has creative expression and the concept of abundance at its core. The rest is happily under construction. (Please forgive me for driving this analogy into the ground ;-).
I LOVE this-the idea of incorporating something old into the new. Old houses have so much character and charm, it is a shame to tear them down. The idea of using them is awesome. And great way to use that as an example in your story. Beautifully written!! XO
Thanks so much for your lovely feedback and thoughts on this, Danielle! I have a deep love for old houses, but having lived in a few that required lots of upkeep I can see why many people choose to rebuild. I also love the idea of incorporating the old into the new - it has the potential to become such a rich architectural form, and holds so much possibility for exploration on the page. I'm so happy to hear that you like the idea!
I, too, love old houses, they are so gorgeous, and are so creative and wonderful, with long stories. I would keep it just to keep their stories a part of the long, rich history. XO
What a journey, and what an analogy! Thank you for sharing this, Lisa. Not everyone could deconstruct in such a constructive way, and it seems your ability to do so is, in part, due to the fact that you have stabilized the original structure of your family home with creativity. ♥️
At age ten: "Be perfect as your Father in Heaven is perfect."
At fifty: "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
There is a field. I'll meet you there." (Rumi)
I love this quote by Rumi. I have held it close for year as inspiration and as an aspiration. Just recently (at 61), I wrote this poem that I hope is ok to share here.
The Field—A Little Bit More Than a Sijo
'Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing, there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
— Jelaluddin Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks
Before I meet you there, may I steal a moment to breathe out,
to offer myself some tender, loving kindness and mercy,
resolve a false image I carry of you as enemy.
I will breathe in,
then,
I’ll meet you there,
in that field.
{And breathe out.}
Definitely okay to share, Wendy. ☺️
Oh delicious! What a juxtaposition of those two... magnificent!
I play in that same field! :-)
I am learning to play there too...
Right on...
There has been a strong familial pattern of blame within my Christian family lineage. Eve ate the apple. She was the problem... and this got translated within our story, that women are the problem. This in turn translated to....somehow if you/they were different, changed, hadn't done..., were better.... and the list goes on; then life would be ok. It took a while for me to shift this perspective within my own reaction to others and, particularly, in my intimate partnership however, what supported this journey towards befriending blame (and its dissolving) was mindfulness, somatic and nonviolent communication practices and John O'Donohue's Blessing for Presence which became and still is my daily prayer. Particularly, the first two lines, call me home: 'May you awaken to the mystery of being here and enter the quiet immensity of your own presence. May you have joy and peace in the temple of your senses.' This brings me home time and time again, so that I can hear the blame, feel my pain yet stay connected to self and other. Othering disappears. Blaming. In the company of presence, I can see what is calling. A need to be held, for understanding, compassion, care and connection. I have so wanted to reply to your many beautiful posts before this. Each one is worthy of reflection. Thank you for your offering and reflections. Thank you to all those who comment as I find them truly interesting as well.
Wendy, your beautiful post spoke so deeply to me. " Othering disappears. Blaming. In the company of presence, I can see what is calling. A need to be held, for understanding, compassion, care and connection." I love that..."I can hear what is calling." I will remember that the next time I start to"hear the blame." Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful words and your daily John O'Donohue prayer.
"...peace in the temple of your senses." I love this so much.
YYYEEESSSSS!!!! "Enter the quiet immensity of your own presence." From that perspective, blame isn't even in your viewfinder. It is a beautiful place to be, hold onto yourself with love and, yes, with understanding, compassion, care and connection. Well said, Wendy.
...and curiosity...it keeps blame and its cousin shame at bay.
Wendy, I'm intrigued by your "journey towards befriending blame (and its dissolving)." That's beautiful!
Thank you for this reminder of John O'Donohue's blessing, which I know, but had forgotten. Such a lovely way to enter the day with this beautiful blessing, so grounding and full of tenderness, which we all so need these days, and I suppose have always needed. Thank you.
Thank you so, so, so much for your post.
“May you awaken to the mystery of being here and enter the quiet immensity of your own presence. May you have joy and peace in the temple of your senses.” - This is profound!
Much acknowledgement on your work and healing.
Just read this article yesterday about a new study that upends the anthropological myth that men were hunters and women were gatherers. It says, "I think that next to the myth that God made a woman from man's rib to be his helper, the myth that man is the hunter and woman is the gatherer is probably the second most enduring myth that naturalizes the inferiority of women.” What they found in many communities were that the grandmothers were the best hunters. I love that.
I have gotten great satisfaction from the publishing of that article too. I feel a bit pessimistic that even this information will make any difference to those with staunchly held patriarchal beliefs. In my experience, bias is too strong and curiosity outside of one’s own beliefs is too small.
I LOVE this! Grandmothers are the best!!! Thank you for sharing, looking forward to reading that article!!
Can we have the link? Sounds fascinating.
https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2023/07/01/1184749528/men-are-hunters-women-are-gatherers-that-was-the-assumption-a-new-study-upends-i
What incredible findings! Thanks for sharing.
Yes, and along with the myth from the biblical text that men were the powerful ones with their raging of wars is the story that the women were the ones arranging the marriages and familial alliances, enlarging territories and making political partners by way of interweaving families and friendships. Quietly, in conversation and matchmaking, they did their important work. Usually on the noisy stories that arrive in the text.
I love that too and shared this link with my grandmothers group! Thank you Kelley.
My parents raised my with the belief of “you always have your family member’s back, no matter what.” This notion sounds beautiful. However, if practiced without boundaries, it can become a recipe for disaster.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that this myth has caused much pain, dysfunction, and heartache since my family doesn’t have good boundaries with anyone (including themselves).
Challenging this myth has caused me to have firm boundaries and distant relationships with my family. However, it’s allowed my wife and me to create healthier systems and practices to care for our children, which has in turn brought in chosen family into our lives that has been life-giving and beautiful ❤️
Thanks Ben -- what a thing to have to re-shape and make and break and make new... I'm glad for the life-giving that's come. And all praise the courage to make it new.
Ben, good for you, for setting the boundaries that needed to be set. Boundaries are a necessity. Thank you for sharing!
What a beautiful realization. Boundaries are the love we can show ourselves and in turn, be an example to others. We can build a family of choice!
Ben ... Yes to challenging this myth which I believe underpins so much inner self-harm. And Yes to chosen family & Yes to 'creating healthier systems' by setting boundaries to break the often-multigenerational chain of 'pain, dysfunction, & heartache.' Having a partner/spouse onboard to create this new path together for you & your children is such a gift. I'm 66 & have been on this path for 20 years, wishing I'd started sooner, yet so grateful to be on it! I found that chosen family takes time to discover & build. My grown children & I do sometimes miss the connections & love we could have shared with blood-family that sadly chose a different path. Even though I was a bit late understanding what to let go of, my kids & I are close & better for it nonetheless. And yours will be immensely richer for it!
Andrea, thank you for your beautiful and encouraging words. I appreciate the encouragement that others are on the same journey toward health and healing! 🙏❤️
I've been working on accepting that I am enough and that I'm not too much at the same time. The desire to make myself smaller in public spaces and the need to prove that I have what it takes comes from myths and pressures around being an intellectual woman in a culture that currently disrespects both women and facts. Even writing this comment feels too big, too loud. Thank you for the space to explore and express myself.
I feel this Cathy. The impulse to make one’s self small while at the same time trying to prove your worth. What an impossibility! Your voice spoke to me this morning. Not too big, not too loud. Thank you for your voice. ❤️
Thank you for the reply. That helps too.
You are NEVER too much or not enough. As long as you are being yourself, you are the you that is called for!! We need more women to be themselves. Rise, Sister, Rise!!!!
I'm so glad you posted this...
Thank you for your strong talk!!!! A big voice and a big heart!
I have been working my way through the audio version of “Braiding Sweetgrass” by Robin Wall Kimmerer. In the origin story she tells, Sky Woman is the ancient ancestor who plays a role in the creation of the earth and all living things. She is given the earth to live in harmony. This is contrasted with the story of Eve, in the Judeo-Christian tradition, who is cast out of paradise to toil and labor in exile.
It kind of blew my mind what a different tale that story tells us about who we are and our relationship with the earth. In the one, we are intimately connected with earth, air, sky, fauna, and flora. In the other we are aggressors, sinful, alone in the wilderness. What a difference to feel beloved and cherished in the tale that is told. It speaks so much to the orientation to life. Will we take care of each other knowing each is dependent on the other? Will we pursue our own agenda without regard to commonality of all life?
What if Eve is Sky Woman miscasted? What if Eve told the story?
I LOVE Robin Wall Kimmerer and Braiding Sweetgrass!! She is my Soul sister!! And the Sky Woman is an awesome story!
And, PS, Elaine, Joy Harjo, another Soul sister of mine also writes about "The Woman Who Fell From the Sky." I had to check because I was certain I remembered it. She has a whole chapter of poems under "The Woman Who Fell From the Sky," including the chapter title in the book "How We Became Human." It's a great book. I also love "Fire" and "Eagle Poem"
Women ARE connected deeply to the Earth, in particular. It is SUCH a beautiful thing, too, to be held by Mother Gaia and all her beauty. And it teaches us such great lessons about how to be more human and more feminine!! Thanks for sharing. XO
Eagle Poem is a favourite for me too...
Sky Woman!! Yessssss. What a profound impact these myths have. And what critical questions you ask. Thank you Elaine.
I've only recently been introduced to Skywoman. The beauty of her generosity offers a powerful model for our behavior on earth.
yes!
The myths and assorted stories of being Jewish. “ Remember the Holocaust! Never again!” Well, what if the essential lesson is trimmed down to this: people can be so cruel to each other. We humans have this capacity to wreak havoc. Could this be the lesson gleaned from the Holocaust. Or from the pogroms in Russia, or the current travesty in Palestine. We humans, Jews included, have this capacity to inflict such pain upon each other, Or! There’s the mighty challenge, not waiting for “divine” intervention, But! Take life’s responsibility into each and every one of our heart/mind and truly behave toward each other as though we actually agreed with the wisdom teachings of this world. All our excuses to do otherwise, thus continuing our cruelty, are all dark mythical and selfish interpretations. We are So skilled at making excuses. So skillful. 🏮
what happens to empathy? Do we need reminders? Does trauma connect us to empathy? Teach? What happens with too much trauma? Certainly we can learn about giving pain over to projection. The ‘Other’ holds what is too painful. A new myth: That we learn to hold our own pain. That it is valuable to do so. That we are all curious to learn ( not just Eve). That we are able to do this...
Thank you, David! And amen! We are so terrible to each other. It has to end!
A very strong myth around which I've lived is that of the United States being a "Christian" nation & that this country has always been on the side of "right." However my studies of history, international relations, theology & religion - as well as time lived overseas & a life of interacting across various languages and cultures - continue to disabuse me of that perspective. I know that I have no right to be "proud" of the circumstances which caused me to be born of parents in the United States, & if anything my privilege puts me in the position of seeking to share what blessings I may have materially & learning from other cultures & experiences which have accumulated wisdom I wish to know as a fellow citizen of this beautiful globe we inhabit.
I am wondering about blaming. What if the old myth was present for care and safety at its time. Now we need another myth- more global and beyond blaming. This is hard to do- a new ‘muscle’ to go beyond blaming. Who are we beyond blaming?
Oh my. That’s a really good (yet horrifying) example of a myth that has taken the innocence of this country as a whole. Hopefully, one day our children will learn that this is a country of justice and benevolence with a very complicated past. Despite the political situation, we do seem to be on that path, at last. ❤️
In a time when addiction to blame has reached pandemic proportions, loved today’s reflections and prompt, Pádraig. Until my mid-40s, I wrapped myself in the Myth of They Did This To Me. Unravelling that has been at once a tremendous gift and completely ungrounding. The challenge has been to not flip into its opposite—taking off one cloak only to put on another: The Myth of It's All My Fault. Some days go better than others.
Some powerful thoughts there, Dana.
Thank you, Mandy. It's very alive for me lately.
Hard work! But for me, so useful! Congratulations.
Oh I’ve got one: The myth of the quiet, smiling white southern woman who is here to make sure everyone around her is comfortable physically, emotionally, and spiritually because everything is fine y'all. It's okay. Now there's no need to get angry or express any emotions whatsoever because Everything Is Fine.
Not.
I'm here to expose that myth and its roots and roles in supporting systems and frameworks of white supremacy. I’m here to make people a tad or a lot uncomfortable.
Happy Sunday!
Thank you, Charlotte. I know this myth so well.
💚💚💚
Is a fairy tale a myth? If so, the myth that a woman needs to be saved by a man has been my life's work - I felt abandoned by my father and for years I was waiting for him to rescue me from my abuser. Then I married a man and wanted him to rescue me and love me. Then his alcoholism forced me to look into myself and save myself and my children from the disease of alcoholism.
The only one who can save me is me and that I have done. I determine my destiny. I am the one who can give myself the love I always sought "out there." And most of all, I, now, can give love because I have found it within.
Thanks Theresa - those are hard won lessons - time has made demands on you, and you have found the love and courage and generosity that you share here. Thank you for sharing it.
Yes!!!! We can and should save ourselves, Theresa. We don't have to wait for ANYONE else to do it for us. I am so glad you realize how critical loving yourself is!! Thank you. XO
Myth disruptor: Death/dying: I'm an Iyengar yoga practitioner. If there are any of you out there you might relate. Iyengar teachers aren't shy about naming or talking about what might be perceived as taboo subjects. They use correct anatomical language - they ask you to lift your perineum - your genitals - to see with your nipples. They also talk about death and dying (more lately because we've lost 2 favorite teachers in the last 6 months and one is currently fighting cancer so she isn't shy). Yesterday, my teacher had us in a pose that encourages our shoulders to release towards the ground. She said, "don't worry if they don't touch the ground today.... when you die, they will release all they feel they need to hold." She went on to say that if you don't die everyday, you need to start practicing that. Wut? Hmmm....
I grew up in a traditional, fervent Catholic family. Each Mothers Day my mother would have all of us (I am the eldest of 8) make little white bouquets and we would go to the Church and put our bouquets near the statue of Mary. I didn't question this - rather, I just stayed with the mystery and now as I am in my 70s and part of an exiled Catholic Community, while I have discarded many devotional practices. I still treasure that practice that causes me to continue to wonder.
What a lovely thing to hold onto.
I am the Eve who hungered to eat the apple, but did not. At least not for the first nothing years of my life when I forgot what it meant to be a child and forgot what it meant to have a father.
When I did bite, I, at first, blamed myself, but you cannot blame someone for wanting to eat of the truth. The crisp clean crunch of yes and no and I had to tell you --
I have been kicked out of Eden so many times I can show you the way to heaven. It is paved with broken glass and hot coals. It is lined with broken hearts, but it is the only way. Let the apples on the ground rot. They are no longer knowledge. They are what happens when you do not see for yourself what it means to grow.
Thank you Corie; this reads like a prose poem.
Thank you. Your prompt was quite inspiring.
I love the image of a shard-lined path to paradise, perhaps the toll for that "crisp clean crunch of yes", and the centering of knowledge in both both of these. Thank you, Corie.
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https://open.substack.com/pub/coriefeiner?r=1vl0c8&utm_medium=ios
For more poems.
There is something about your image of rotten apples that goes to the heart of this discussion. Also, rotten apples smells like disappointment!
They do - and the need to move on.
https://open.substack.com/pub/coriefeiner?r=1vl0c8&utm_medium=ios
For more poems:)
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Gorgeous
Thank you. As are you.
Beautifully written! It felt so healing to me, reading this. Thank you, Corie. ♥️
Thank you. We are all in such need of healing. You can hear it echoing in the universe. And we are worthy of feeling whole and alive!
Here is my Substack publication if you are called to checks it out:
https://open.substack.com/pub/coriefeiner?r=1vl0c8&utm_medium=ios
Well, I don’t think I’ve written this in a public space before but my myth is that growing up, I was not worthy of being wanted or liked. It’s taken a lifetime to change that myth for myself, and to even learn that it was a myth. Art and poetry and books still help me with this.
A lifetime, Wendy - I believe you, and I'm sorry.
And that art and poetry and books have been a help? - yes! Along with you and the people you choose. Thank you for writing.
I just had the urge to raise my hand in solidarity. This myth haunted me for my first four decades, and only in the last few years have I been able to chip away here and there at the myth wall... and then barrel into it with all the weight and wasted energy. How many have felt this pain in their lives? I’m so glad we can both see clearly now, Wendy.
Oh, that's lovely Mandy, thank you for your solidarity. And for your chipping away at it for yourself. Seeing it is half the work, really. Good luck in your journey.
I also read Braiding Sweetgrass and came away from that creation story with such a beautiful new perspective of how we can relate to the earth and each other. Born & raised a Catholic, I can’t “unsee” the what the core of that religion is for me. I’ve loved my one and only church community where I’ve gone since 1991 but now I go for walks with my 2 daughters on Sunday mornings and enjoy their company and being outside in the true church… for me anyway.
I am so sorry you were taught that!! You ARE worthy! XO
❤️thank you!
In the town where my dad lives, there is a strict rule related to new construction on existing property. The rules states that if you want to tear down an old house to build a new one, you must stay within the boundaries of the old structure's footprint, and you must incorporate one wall from the original property into your new building. It's an interesting problem for an architect to solve. For a writer, it's a beautiful stage. I'll simply use this as some narrative hospitality for today's post.
Both parents were raised with the Myth of Limited Wealth as a guide. My mother inherited this myth from her mother who grew up during America's Great Depression and was raised by a family of Scottish immigrant pig farmers. My father inherited the story from his travelling salesman father who was raised by a mother who immigrated alone from Germany to the States when she was 14. From all of them I was taught to "be happy for what you have" and to "clean your plate because there are people starving in India." Also, "work hard, save as much as you can," and be a "spendthrift." I've been slowly dismantling my relationship to limited-wealth for years.
In my 20's and 30's I ignored requests from both parents to "get a steady job," instead opting to work for a few small family-run businesses, and later freelancing in the movie/tv/commercial world. I learned to quickly construct boundaries around weekly income reports to my parents with a firm, "I'm doing fine, thank you." Later, after working a "normal job" during very shaky economic times, I bought and sold a house, giving all of it up for 8 years in a near-monastic setting where I worked as a "volunteer". This was the first major deconstruction of my relationship to wealth, and my family was unusually accepting of my choice.
I'm currently deep in the rubble of inheriting my family story of limited wealth. Deconstruction is a daily challenge, but I've made great headway. Now, when my dad asks me how I can afford to pay for a weeklong writer's retreat, I clearly see him working to fortify his own story, inherited from his travelling salesman father and German immigrant grandmother. I can finally stand firm in the knowledge that I don't need to live in my family's old story, while recognizing that there is a "standing wall" of resourceful, socially-minded materials worth incorporating into the new build. I don't yet know what my new wealth-home will look like, but I do know that it has creative expression and the concept of abundance at its core. The rest is happily under construction. (Please forgive me for driving this analogy into the ground ;-).
Wow, that opening architectural law/challenge is QUITE a metaphor.
I LOVE this-the idea of incorporating something old into the new. Old houses have so much character and charm, it is a shame to tear them down. The idea of using them is awesome. And great way to use that as an example in your story. Beautifully written!! XO
Thanks so much for your lovely feedback and thoughts on this, Danielle! I have a deep love for old houses, but having lived in a few that required lots of upkeep I can see why many people choose to rebuild. I also love the idea of incorporating the old into the new - it has the potential to become such a rich architectural form, and holds so much possibility for exploration on the page. I'm so happy to hear that you like the idea!
I, too, love old houses, they are so gorgeous, and are so creative and wonderful, with long stories. I would keep it just to keep their stories a part of the long, rich history. XO
What a journey, and what an analogy! Thank you for sharing this, Lisa. Not everyone could deconstruct in such a constructive way, and it seems your ability to do so is, in part, due to the fact that you have stabilized the original structure of your family home with creativity. ♥️