I am learning that my aging body helps me take stock of myself. I also realize that I have been afforded a certain luxury to mull over life. This process of taking stock often occurs, somewhat unexpectedly, through the rhythm and rituals of my life — a quiet morning with a cup of coffee in hand, reading, breaking open a book with others, taking daily walks around my neighborhood, engaged in online courses, writing lots of letters these days to my congressperson, standing with others (at a vigil or protest) to promote the common good in our country, Sunday morning Substack with Pàdraig, listening to music, hearing birds outside, appreciating a blue sky, watching a movie, writing poetry, potluck dinners with longtime friends, conversations which intentionally go beyond the superficial, enjoying one-on-one time with a good friend, laughing with my four year old grandson and eight year old granddaughter, trying to deal with life’s struggles and losses, falling into silence and solitude. These ‘practices’ help me to get a glimpse into myself and evoke a deep feeling of gratitude for life and love.
This is beautiful Michael. And so similar to my daily life in my aging body, it helps me remember / become aware / of how many parts of my day lend themselves to deep reflection. Including a good conversation. Thank you.
Michael, everything about your reply resonates with me. I often contemplate on what a gift it is to be able to feel and love deeply and to have learned that by pausing and looking and listening I can discover beauty in almost any moment.
Michael, every word rings true. Whatever word we assign them ; rituals, practices, daily rounds they impart a lifetime of who we've become, a heart comes home
This is gorgeous Michael and I recognize myself also in the reflection on our aging bodies and if we are in tune with them, how true it is that they are al profoundly helpful in taking stock.
I pull out the quote below from the writer and management consultant Margaret Wheatley from time to time, as a way to gently probe my assumptions and beliefs. It is really important to me to remain open to changing my mind and taking new perspectives on board, especially as there can be a tendency to hold onto our existing positions as we get older, as a source of security and comfort.
“If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. If what you say disturbs me, I must believe something contrary to you…When I hear myself saying ‘How could anyone believe something like that?’, a light comes on for me to see my own beliefs…If I can see my beliefs and assumptions, I can decide whether I still value them.”
The quote is from her book “Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future”, which she summed up in the declaration: “I believe we can change the world if we start listening to one another again.” Yes…
Thank you for reminding me about Margaret Wheatley. I used to read things by her but somehow I lost her from my radius of attention. I struggle with my knee jerk judgments of other people (and of myself, of course). I like the idea of every time I make a judgement or feel surprised or disturbed by what someone says of simply pausing to note: "I must have been expecting something different."
Yes, pausing to be gently curious is definitely helpful - and self-compassionate. I have struggled with the knee-jerk judgements, too, but am slowly improving...
I have long admired Meg. I first encountered her in her book "Leader4ship and the New Science." That must have been over 30 years ago. She has evolved greatly since then. Thanks for referencing her work and jogging my memory.
Have you read her amazing book Perseverance? It has more underlinings and stars and comments than any other book I own. Give it a look. You won't be disappointed.
Good morning Padraig and friends, from Belo Horizonte, Brasil where the International Grail is holding our Assembly for 2 weeks w 70 women from around the world. We also dont know how to stop a war or bring down the Gilgameshs of today. We do know how we can work together, discuss and plan what we can do for women, equity, the planet, displaced people and more.
We are women dedicated to social justice coming from our own faith (Religious/Spiritual) and we are so happy to be together with old friends and new! And we hug a lot! 🤗
Reflecting on your question, Pádraig, is, as ever, engrossing and inspiring. In this sober season, I’m trying to keep taking stock in a way that’s practical: aligning my actions with my values, contributing where I actually can, and staying open to growth (easier said than done). Three ongoing practices have helped: a simple money + attention audit (what I funded, clicked, and scheduled this week, and what that seemed to reinforce, plus one place I can do better); a repair ritual (an apology, a thank-you, paying a debt, naming something I’ve avoided. This process is often the hardest for me); and a mentorship inventory (who I’m learning from, who I’m resourcing, and whether I’m making real time for mentees rather than just holding the idea of community). It’s a work in progress, but it keeps me thinking about complicity and gives me one concrete next step. It’s an antidote, too, to outrage and helplessness in the face of so many fires. Thank you, I’m very much looking forward to everyone’s thoughts on this. Have a marvelous week all!
When I was a church goer I disliked the way the church calendar forced you to think in certain ways at specific times. I wanted to reflect and change when I felt ready, not when I was told. Events and synchronicity are my prompts for self-examination.
Yesterday in Manchester city centre (UK) a far right protest march and counter protest converged in a standoff right outside the theatre we were trying to enter to watch Priscilla Queen of the Desert, a fabulous celebration of love and inclusion.
The march and violent hatred in the chants was intimidating but did make us reflect on our own response to such hatred.
My response was to think about people I know who might be feeling frightened in the current political climate and reach out to them to let them know we are there.
Rachel Mann's poem speaks of the tight-rope of language we walk when we are trying to say the right thing - but the overarching thing for me is to say something, anything that lets people know you are by their side.
I love this reflection Steve. I agree I think it behooves us to hold space for reflection and change as consistently as possible. The idea of letting those around you know you are with them must be a balm for those who you support.
Steve, I love your phrase “by their side” - rather than ON their side. There’s a sense of accompaniment in your words and perhaps less of a line drawn against the opponents. Now I really want to see that film! This Substack community is full of enticing ideas.
My mother’s memory always brings me up short and makes me take stock of myself and my behavior. She was a clear-eyed philosopher, a woman who had known war, death, pain, separation, grief, but also a host of sustaining experiences, like love and joy and humor and contentment. Her capacity for forgiveness and love was enormous; i am ashamed at my smallness in comparison. She lived in peace with her mortality. I hope daily i will learn to do the same.
I feel this way too Bee. Sometimes I believe in thought transference, that I “feel” my mother’s slight approval. I think your mom must be so so proud of you. Your humility is lovely.
What a wonderful example she presented for you Bee. Be kind to yourself, if that was what she demonstrated and you recognized I imagine you manifest it more than you think!
Padraig - thank you for the poem, the ponder, and the picture of your face! Taking stock comes in those liminal moments between dreaming and waking these days. I'm a lapsed religious person, but I still know how to and do still pray. One prayer is an interrogation about whether or not I'm ready to die. What is it I need to know/share here before I go on to wherever the afterlife takes me? How do I show up for myself and others? What do I need to do to love better? Have I given it all I've got?
Dear Jae, I think that responding and sharing ideas with this community is a way of showing up. What haunts me is your last question - have I done enough especially when I hear Ilya Kaminsky’s devastating poem……’we lived happily (forgive us)…..during the war.
I consider how I'm showing up for the members of my household that lack the same level of autonomy as me. I jokingly call them my "dependants," my two dogs and toddler, but they are really my anchors. Their well-being and frustrations help locate me in this time and place, they bring me back to the needs of now.
Curious how this prompt recenters me, returns me to the poem/gift “given” to me by my life partner a week after she died. I suppose I now must question this belief “was the arrival of this poem truly a gift from Monica”? Challenge me however you wish, I choose to believe that this poem was from Monica.
“I can never see enough Beauty,
For if I saw it All,
I would be seeing You, again.”
Who is this “You”? Monica? God? The stranger I am about to meet? How often do I forget the challenge of this poem? If I can put aside all judgements, prejudice, fears, doubts, criticism, stereotypes, and see “your Beauty”, see that within you into your heart, what else is there to do but “love you”.
This is my daily challenge. Am I aligning my life to this poem? I rarely partake of political, religious, or historical conversations. All this is quicksand for me. Life threatening. I choose to deepen, daily, my participation with bearing witness to “Beauty”.
This reminded me of the Navajo Beauty Way Prayer, which I first heard as a child. It has since distilled in my mind as simply "In a Beauty Way I Walk" as a more or less daily regrounding, always close.
NMC, this reminds me of a favorite Dance of Universal Peace called ‘All My Relations’ from the Lakota people.
May I walk in Beauty, May I walk in Peace, All, all my relations, All life is sacred, the mountains and the seas, All life is sacred the animals and the trees. All, all my relations. Heya heya heya…
So many points of connection! A colleague recently asked one of those sobering questions about how can we go on day-to-day as if any of this us is okay, and I sent her Ilya’s poem. I agreed we must definitely keep this question present, and we also can’t let them take all of our joys. And I have a poem called “Religious, and Spiritual.”
What a great title (prompt). I can see if there's a way to copy it in here, and it's also in my poetry collection called, My Dear Comrades. I want to see your poem too!
And speaking of Sober seasons, today is my 20th AA anniversary. It is not the anniversary of when I first started attending AA meetings. at that point, I still thought I could have a drink on special occasions out at restaurants —fancy expensive wine —well any of you out there who are alcoholics know the reasoning. Until I surrendered absolutely there was no relief. That took me a year and a half and it gives me incredible compassion for anyone else who struggles and has a hard time accepting that alcohol is not the solution to their problems.
Congratulations on your 20 year anniversary. My daughter just celebrated 15 years. I remember her traveling the same path as the one you describe. In her case, in part her well meaning boyfriend at the time was part of what provided an excuse. He didn't have a problem with alcohol and kept encouraging her to just drink some wine on special occasions. In truth, for a while I too didn't understand why that approach wouldn't work for her.
I went to law school in Alabama as an out-of-state student. I remember realizing the proximity of "history" there when it occurred to me that my classmates' parents and grandparents actually lived all those black-and-white photographs I'd seen in history books about the civil rights movement. Some of their folks were leaders in the movement, I learned, but what really struck me was wondering about many of my white friends' parents. What stories did they tell themselves and their kids about that time, and what they did or didn't do?
I have children of my own now and I think about that, often. What stories will I inevitably try to tell them to soften my own complicity in events that I suspect history will not look kindly on? How do I live my life now so those stories can be more true?
I think when one is faced with a sombre event, of whatever nature, this often brings one up sharply, with one's own mortality and that of those around us!! A salutary lesson to do what we can, with the time/resources permitted to us, in the way only we can! Each little thing helps with the little offerings and things of others!
This month I was invited to start volunteering at an after school program for underserved young people. My Lenten prayer for humility has been, “Lord, help me not step on Your toes. Help me be better at ‘being with’. “
Renee, may your patience be multiplied infinitely and may you be filled with joy in the youth and their antics after school. One tip: play cards! It’s great for math as well as concentration. Even solitaire. We do it at our summer camp.
I am learning that my aging body helps me take stock of myself. I also realize that I have been afforded a certain luxury to mull over life. This process of taking stock often occurs, somewhat unexpectedly, through the rhythm and rituals of my life — a quiet morning with a cup of coffee in hand, reading, breaking open a book with others, taking daily walks around my neighborhood, engaged in online courses, writing lots of letters these days to my congressperson, standing with others (at a vigil or protest) to promote the common good in our country, Sunday morning Substack with Pàdraig, listening to music, hearing birds outside, appreciating a blue sky, watching a movie, writing poetry, potluck dinners with longtime friends, conversations which intentionally go beyond the superficial, enjoying one-on-one time with a good friend, laughing with my four year old grandson and eight year old granddaughter, trying to deal with life’s struggles and losses, falling into silence and solitude. These ‘practices’ help me to get a glimpse into myself and evoke a deep feeling of gratitude for life and love.
This is beautiful Michael. And so similar to my daily life in my aging body, it helps me remember / become aware / of how many parts of my day lend themselves to deep reflection. Including a good conversation. Thank you.
Thank you for your kind comment, Elizabeth. Interestingly, the etymology of the words conversation and conversion are similar.
Michael, everything about your reply resonates with me. I often contemplate on what a gift it is to be able to feel and love deeply and to have learned that by pausing and looking and listening I can discover beauty in almost any moment.
A wonderful motto to live by: “pausing and looking and listening.” Thank you, Barbara.
Michael, every word rings true. Whatever word we assign them ; rituals, practices, daily rounds they impart a lifetime of who we've become, a heart comes home
Sylvia, love your last four words here: “ a heart comes home.” Thank you.
Michael, your list of “practices” reminds me to consider how many events in life turn into meditations if I stop to be thankful. I love a good list!
Yes, to be thankful for all that is (even for the tough stuff). Appreciate your comment, Christine.
This is gorgeous Michael and I recognize myself also in the reflection on our aging bodies and if we are in tune with them, how true it is that they are al profoundly helpful in taking stock.
Mulling over life's Saturday sunrise -
Thinning leather soles bear the imprints of the journey.
I pull out the quote below from the writer and management consultant Margaret Wheatley from time to time, as a way to gently probe my assumptions and beliefs. It is really important to me to remain open to changing my mind and taking new perspectives on board, especially as there can be a tendency to hold onto our existing positions as we get older, as a source of security and comfort.
“If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. If what you say disturbs me, I must believe something contrary to you…When I hear myself saying ‘How could anyone believe something like that?’, a light comes on for me to see my own beliefs…If I can see my beliefs and assumptions, I can decide whether I still value them.”
The quote is from her book “Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future”, which she summed up in the declaration: “I believe we can change the world if we start listening to one another again.” Yes…
https://margaretwheatley.com/books/turning-to-one-another/
Thank you for reminding me about Margaret Wheatley. I used to read things by her but somehow I lost her from my radius of attention. I struggle with my knee jerk judgments of other people (and of myself, of course). I like the idea of every time I make a judgement or feel surprised or disturbed by what someone says of simply pausing to note: "I must have been expecting something different."
Yes, pausing to be gently curious is definitely helpful - and self-compassionate. I have struggled with the knee-jerk judgements, too, but am slowly improving...
I have long admired Meg. I first encountered her in her book "Leader4ship and the New Science." That must have been over 30 years ago. She has evolved greatly since then. Thanks for referencing her work and jogging my memory.
A quote to keep and a book to add to my possibilities list. Thank you for sharing these.
This is lovely, I’m not familiar with her work. Will be digging in.
Amen!
Have you read her amazing book Perseverance? It has more underlinings and stars and comments than any other book I own. Give it a look. You won't be disappointed.
Thanks so much for that recommendation, Vivian - I could definitely do with some help on perservering at the moment...
Good morning Padraig and friends, from Belo Horizonte, Brasil where the International Grail is holding our Assembly for 2 weeks w 70 women from around the world. We also dont know how to stop a war or bring down the Gilgameshs of today. We do know how we can work together, discuss and plan what we can do for women, equity, the planet, displaced people and more.
We are women dedicated to social justice coming from our own faith (Religious/Spiritual) and we are so happy to be together with old friends and new! And we hug a lot! 🤗
Hugs! Yes more of that!! Happiest two weeks work to you all- may it be inspired and productive!
hugs...YES 💜
thank for gathering and for sharing that you are gathering.
Reflecting on your question, Pádraig, is, as ever, engrossing and inspiring. In this sober season, I’m trying to keep taking stock in a way that’s practical: aligning my actions with my values, contributing where I actually can, and staying open to growth (easier said than done). Three ongoing practices have helped: a simple money + attention audit (what I funded, clicked, and scheduled this week, and what that seemed to reinforce, plus one place I can do better); a repair ritual (an apology, a thank-you, paying a debt, naming something I’ve avoided. This process is often the hardest for me); and a mentorship inventory (who I’m learning from, who I’m resourcing, and whether I’m making real time for mentees rather than just holding the idea of community). It’s a work in progress, but it keeps me thinking about complicity and gives me one concrete next step. It’s an antidote, too, to outrage and helplessness in the face of so many fires. Thank you, I’m very much looking forward to everyone’s thoughts on this. Have a marvelous week all!
I will be sharing these three questions with my two church reading groups when we next discuss taking stock of ourselves. Thank you for sharing these.
Rebecca thank YOU for your engagement. This is what cheers me- the sharing of ideas and disciplines can be so invigorating!
Such engaging, brave, and sensible practices. Love them. Thank you, Lisa Marie.
Thank you Michael for those kind words!
Thank you especially for the idea of a repair ritual. In my resistance to the idea I can recognize how fruitful it could be for me.
Thank you for your thoughts. I’d be interested in hearing if you find it useful.
I appreciate how these practices are actually practical, doable, and potentially local.
When I was a church goer I disliked the way the church calendar forced you to think in certain ways at specific times. I wanted to reflect and change when I felt ready, not when I was told. Events and synchronicity are my prompts for self-examination.
Yesterday in Manchester city centre (UK) a far right protest march and counter protest converged in a standoff right outside the theatre we were trying to enter to watch Priscilla Queen of the Desert, a fabulous celebration of love and inclusion.
The march and violent hatred in the chants was intimidating but did make us reflect on our own response to such hatred.
My response was to think about people I know who might be feeling frightened in the current political climate and reach out to them to let them know we are there.
Rachel Mann's poem speaks of the tight-rope of language we walk when we are trying to say the right thing - but the overarching thing for me is to say something, anything that lets people know you are by their side.
I love this reflection Steve. I agree I think it behooves us to hold space for reflection and change as consistently as possible. The idea of letting those around you know you are with them must be a balm for those who you support.
Steve, I love your phrase “by their side” - rather than ON their side. There’s a sense of accompaniment in your words and perhaps less of a line drawn against the opponents. Now I really want to see that film! This Substack community is full of enticing ideas.
Exactly that, when you're on a bus and someone's getting a head time sit next to them and ask if they are ok rather than rail against the offender
My mother’s memory always brings me up short and makes me take stock of myself and my behavior. She was a clear-eyed philosopher, a woman who had known war, death, pain, separation, grief, but also a host of sustaining experiences, like love and joy and humor and contentment. Her capacity for forgiveness and love was enormous; i am ashamed at my smallness in comparison. She lived in peace with her mortality. I hope daily i will learn to do the same.
I feel this way too Bee. Sometimes I believe in thought transference, that I “feel” my mother’s slight approval. I think your mom must be so so proud of you. Your humility is lovely.
Thank you for that, Lynn. So heartening.
What a wonderful example she presented for you Bee. Be kind to yourself, if that was what she demonstrated and you recognized I imagine you manifest it more than you think!
Padraig - thank you for the poem, the ponder, and the picture of your face! Taking stock comes in those liminal moments between dreaming and waking these days. I'm a lapsed religious person, but I still know how to and do still pray. One prayer is an interrogation about whether or not I'm ready to die. What is it I need to know/share here before I go on to wherever the afterlife takes me? How do I show up for myself and others? What do I need to do to love better? Have I given it all I've got?
Dear Jae, I think that responding and sharing ideas with this community is a way of showing up. What haunts me is your last question - have I done enough especially when I hear Ilya Kaminsky’s devastating poem……’we lived happily (forgive us)…..during the war.
I talk aloud to myself to hear that I’m still here. And I let myself cry more to hear that I’m still here.
I consider how I'm showing up for the members of my household that lack the same level of autonomy as me. I jokingly call them my "dependants," my two dogs and toddler, but they are really my anchors. Their well-being and frustrations help locate me in this time and place, they bring me back to the needs of now.
I take stock by going to therapy, and newly, starting a TM practice and being one week into a new commitment to not drink (my second time).
Go for it Becca!
Curious how this prompt recenters me, returns me to the poem/gift “given” to me by my life partner a week after she died. I suppose I now must question this belief “was the arrival of this poem truly a gift from Monica”? Challenge me however you wish, I choose to believe that this poem was from Monica.
“I can never see enough Beauty,
For if I saw it All,
I would be seeing You, again.”
Who is this “You”? Monica? God? The stranger I am about to meet? How often do I forget the challenge of this poem? If I can put aside all judgements, prejudice, fears, doubts, criticism, stereotypes, and see “your Beauty”, see that within you into your heart, what else is there to do but “love you”.
This is my daily challenge. Am I aligning my life to this poem? I rarely partake of political, religious, or historical conversations. All this is quicksand for me. Life threatening. I choose to deepen, daily, my participation with bearing witness to “Beauty”.
This reminded me of the Navajo Beauty Way Prayer, which I first heard as a child. It has since distilled in my mind as simply "In a Beauty Way I Walk" as a more or less daily regrounding, always close.
In beauty I walk
With beauty before me I walk
With beauty behind me I walk
With beauty above me I walk
With beauty around me I walk
It has become beauty again
It has become beauty again
It has become beauty again
It has become beauty again
https://cac.org/daily-meditations/walk-in-beauty-2018-08-10/
NMC, this reminds me of a favorite Dance of Universal Peace called ‘All My Relations’ from the Lakota people.
May I walk in Beauty, May I walk in Peace, All, all my relations, All life is sacred, the mountains and the seas, All life is sacred the animals and the trees. All, all my relations. Heya heya heya…
So many points of connection! A colleague recently asked one of those sobering questions about how can we go on day-to-day as if any of this us is okay, and I sent her Ilya’s poem. I agreed we must definitely keep this question present, and we also can’t let them take all of our joys. And I have a poem called “Religious, and Spiritual.”
Sunu I would love to see your poem. I wrote one called “how to start a religion. “
What a great title (prompt). I can see if there's a way to copy it in here, and it's also in my poetry collection called, My Dear Comrades. I want to see your poem too!
Religious, and Spiritual
At the end of all my roads
of logic and self-confidence, where all my planning
dead-ends, there and only there, there comes a time
when I am forced to say: Give it to God.
When one goes to pick up one’s toddler daughter
in another country and the court date
was actually for another child.
When one walks oneself down Perkins Street
to find a taxi on Center Street
for an emergency surgery to remove
a soon-rupturing-cyst. I remember our activist
ancestor Eileen Fay would say, Jesus,
Mary, and Joseph, be with us
on our way, every summer afternoon in 1984
as we began our Chicagoland ride
to the Kennedy Park swimming pool.
When crouched on the floor of the bathroom
at the doctor’s office, bleeding without end
and late to catch a flight
to take a deposition in another city,
only in these times do I remember
to be faithful. My Lord
is my shepherd. I shall not want. The sun
will not hurt me during the day. Nor the moon
during the night. I still recall my anger
when my favorite television program,
Little House on the Prairie, was interrupted
by my family’s compulsory nightly prayers
and my forced reading of the Psalms. And now,
almost 40 years later, we stand together
in a circle, for Appacha to pray,
at the end of each visit home. And I still
smile with surprise every time
he says, out loud: And dear Lord, bless Erika,
Satya, Sunu somewhere, somehow, inside the heart
of our very long family prayer.
Sunu email me at christinebeck90@gmail.com.
Never mind, I just read your poem and it’s absolutely brilliant. I really love the way. It moves down the page and the clarity of tone and voice.
I’ll email you to get your poem! :) Thank you!
And speaking of Sober seasons, today is my 20th AA anniversary. It is not the anniversary of when I first started attending AA meetings. at that point, I still thought I could have a drink on special occasions out at restaurants —fancy expensive wine —well any of you out there who are alcoholics know the reasoning. Until I surrendered absolutely there was no relief. That took me a year and a half and it gives me incredible compassion for anyone else who struggles and has a hard time accepting that alcohol is not the solution to their problems.
Congratulations on your 20 year anniversary. My daughter just celebrated 15 years. I remember her traveling the same path as the one you describe. In her case, in part her well meaning boyfriend at the time was part of what provided an excuse. He didn't have a problem with alcohol and kept encouraging her to just drink some wine on special occasions. In truth, for a while I too didn't understand why that approach wouldn't work for her.
Yes. It takes what it takes, as we say. One sure tip off—can you leave half a glass of wine on the table? Alcoholics can’t.
I went to law school in Alabama as an out-of-state student. I remember realizing the proximity of "history" there when it occurred to me that my classmates' parents and grandparents actually lived all those black-and-white photographs I'd seen in history books about the civil rights movement. Some of their folks were leaders in the movement, I learned, but what really struck me was wondering about many of my white friends' parents. What stories did they tell themselves and their kids about that time, and what they did or didn't do?
I have children of my own now and I think about that, often. What stories will I inevitably try to tell them to soften my own complicity in events that I suspect history will not look kindly on? How do I live my life now so those stories can be more true?
Beautiful- so essential to continue the work for those who follow and model that change we’d like to see.
I think when one is faced with a sombre event, of whatever nature, this often brings one up sharply, with one's own mortality and that of those around us!! A salutary lesson to do what we can, with the time/resources permitted to us, in the way only we can! Each little thing helps with the little offerings and things of others!
Agreed!
This month I was invited to start volunteering at an after school program for underserved young people. My Lenten prayer for humility has been, “Lord, help me not step on Your toes. Help me be better at ‘being with’. “
Renee, may your patience be multiplied infinitely and may you be filled with joy in the youth and their antics after school. One tip: play cards! It’s great for math as well as concentration. Even solitaire. We do it at our summer camp.